Before Gathoni & I got married, I read & watched with growing amusement how many people struggled with their marriages. I believed ours would be different, simply because how much we adored each other. We were inseparable. Every-time we were together, we could help but stare into each others eyes and share private giggles. When we were apart in the evenings, we texted like a wood pecker pecking on wood. We were different, we told each other, not like them. We would enjoy our marriage to the fullest and make the world see what a true model of marriage out to look like. 🙂
Fast forward to almost 6 years into our marriage, I sit wondering what went wrong, when did the rain start beating us. Our dating life was so amazeballs, but it looked like someone turned OFF the fun switch once we said our I Do’s.
I read with laughter once, that love is blind and marriage is the eye opener 🙂 The more I read and talked with my friends, I realised that this same scenario replayed itself like clock work in almost every marriage. The fiery romance grows cold with time and now living together feels like you are holding a grenade with the pin off. In my quest to find the solution, the Bible offered the best advice on how two very different people can be able to live happy ever after
Wives Submit? Yeah Right!
One of the most read scriptures in every wedding is Ephesians 5, Verse 22 reads like this…
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.:
This is one of the verses in the bible that is applied with selective amnesia, only applicable when it’s favourable and convenient. So, what does Submit truly mean? Submission means yielding to another person’s authority, putting another before yourself; it means not always doing what you want to do. And this is where all the Hullabaloo around submission comes from.
When a man & a woman get married, they become one flesh, one body. A normal functioning body can have only one head. This excruciating process of becoming one will take a lifetime but the moment you say I Do, your husband’s headship is instantaneous!!!!!!. He becomes the leader of the home and your defacto head. The issue most wives have with all this scenario is that its pretty easy to submit to authority when you are agreeable to it, but what happens when your husband is wrong and you can clearly see it? The bible commands the wife to submit to her husband, when the man is right and even when he is wrong.
What Happens When You Submit?
The Bible commands wives submit to their own husband as unto the Lord. That means that when you submit to the authority of your husband you are telling God, that even though you do not agree with what your husband is proposing, you trust that God will make it right. The head of the wife is the husband and the head of the husband is Christ. Submission is basically putting your husband into the hands of his boss, Christ. Many women want to do the work of the Lord, so they push, nag & cry until they have their way.
To submit is ultimately to put all your trust in God. He knows your husband and He knows how to deal with him. Next time you are both at loggerheads, tell your husband that even though I do not agree with you, I submit to you as my head and I will support you cheerfully . At this point as the wife be very careful about your heart’s intention, because this is what truly counts. Most just do lip-service, but deep down they are hoping their husbands would fail and come back to declare that they were right all along.
It is not humanly possible to submit fully and still do it with a good heart while at it. The human heart is most stubborn and your ego will never let you prosper. Only God can help you truly submit, because all of us are sore losers and every-time you submit, it feels like a little part of you died. I would advice that you pray everyday for God to show you how to submit to your husband’s authority without becoming bitter. God will show you and give you sufficient grace. As you commit yourself to submit and respect the authority of your husband, your marriage will surely start to transform. So, you may ask, what about the men, it seems like marriage is very unfair to the woman, while the men are out there basking on the Hawaiian beach of holy matrimony.
Husbands, Please take your Hot Seat….
God commands the man to love his wife, not just when she is sweet and glowing but also when she is stubborn & nagging. To love her even when she’s rounder around the edges 🙂 , snores like a tractor and chews like a ruminant. You are to love all of her, the good, the fat 🙂 & the ugly. Since, that is how Christ loved you and died for you on the cross even when you are/were in sin.
Husbands are commanded to pay attention to their wives, and be thoughtful of their needs. Most of us men, fail horribly at this, we go through life unaware of our wives needs, and its sad to say that the most love-starved women are found in the institution of marriage. A lot of the complaints I hear of marriage are in regards to this point.
When we were dating I remember thinking about Gathoni all day everyday. Each waking moment, I was pre-occupied on what I could do to make her happy. I listened to her deep needs, we took long lazy walks together hand in hand and I adored the simple sound of her voice.
Marriage and the cares of life changed all this. Nowadays, I no longer obsess on how I can make her day, we just live together like two room mates in a dorm room. On our wedding day, I promised to love her and make her happy, all the days of our lives. Loving, just like submission means putting the other person’s needs before your own. I swore before God that I will spend the rest of my life putting my wife’s needs before my own.
Eph 5:26 says “……so that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish”.
That simply means that if I continue to love and honour my wife, I begin to work on her garden, cultivating it & watering it. There is no one more beautiful that a woman who is loved by her husband. And the benefit is that I will present her to myself, simply I will get to enjoy all the benefits 🙂 of a well-loved woman.
Love & Respect Are the Secret
So wives, if you crave love & affection from your hubby, submit to him, respect him as the authority God has placed in your life. Do it lovingly and not grudgingly, purpose to enjoy it. And for the husbands, if you want your wife to respect & serve you, just try spoil her with your love. Ask the good Lord to show you fresh & creative ways to show love to her. Obsess over her and think about her all day, let her be the centre of your affection.
This is the way that God designed marriage, to be an enjoyable process of meeting each other’s needs and finding the ultimate of all of life’s joys.
Please note that none of this ideas are original to me. I have learned them through reading of the bible and these awesome books. If you want to read more on this topic see the below books
If you love this article share with a person who needs this reminder in their marriage today.
To happily ever after,